My first ever birthday surprise in my entire lifetime! Probably the bestest and most memorable for many years to come...i'm sure =D
To be frank, I never liked to celebrate my birthdays. So I penned down why I do not like to celebrate birthdays...hopefully by doing so I could appreciate the unhappy memories better...and embrace the future exciting celebrations unfolding in front of me like magic =]
Why do I not like to celebrate birthdays
Bad experience during birthdays when I was younger
When I was in secondary three, my birthday fell on a Saturday. My family planned to have a meal together that afternoon. Unfortunately, my dad had an issue with giving my mum the groceries money for that month (that's probably the time when he's spending money on another woman outside). My eldest brother stood up for my mum and demanded my dad to give her the money to spend for that month. After some fierce demands, my dad gave in, but he threw the money at my mum's face. That enraged my eldest brother and he almost fought it out with my dad. My mum tried to push them apart. I only recalled feeling very frustrated why such a fight has to happen on that day and why can't we talk things out amicably without involving violence, and I left my house, grabbed my bicycle, and cycled the route to school in tears. When I reached the junction between Fort Road and Tanjong Rhu, I don't know where to go. I just knew I don't want to see my family quarreling. Just then, my dad called and he apologised. I recalled I said "你现在说对不起有什么用？" That's my birthday in secondary three.
In NS1, that's when the serial "Little Nyonya" was still on show. Peranakan cuisine was in the trend and my mum felt like trying Peranakan cuisine. So I placed a reservation at the Peranakan restaurant at Esplanade I must admit I'm not so good at organising things at that point of time. It's 11am. The reservation is at 12pm. I need to get my cake (haha the irony). Everyone is still sleeping except myself and mum. So I brought mum to go to Marina Square to buy with me. I wasn't very familiar with Marina Square so we took a while to locate Secret Recipe. I kinda knew there's a convenient confectionery shop located right at Esplanade but I wanted to try a cake not-from-Choz-again. Because it took such a long time, we ended up reaching the restaurant at 1pm. Elder brother had a really aggressive personality and sharp tongue at that time (that almost borders along being bitchy) and he gave a extremely reproaching look and exclaimed aloud that they have been waiting for one whole hour and I should have at least called to inform that we are going to be late. I did receive some missed calls but didnt respond, 'cause we are late already anyway. But what immediately went through my mind was "Fuck, I had to get my own cake, make my own reservation. When did the birthday boy become the busiest boy?". That was my 21st birthday.
In my JC1, no one seemed to remember my birthday. Except my JC CCA mates who remembered and got me a cake to celebrate together with my senior. I'm really thankful for them. So back at my home, my farher who had an exceptional knack for anything related to dates and figures (especially if they can permutate into 4-digits number...'cause they are the purpose in life for my father which reoccurs every Wed, Sat and Sun). He remembered it's my birthday and went around asking everyone in the household (including myself) how my birthday celebration is gonna be like. Seeing nothing being discussed and no one taking initiative, I took the lead and informed everyone to come back home for an afternoon meal on a Saturday. Yea, at that time, I had a certain liking towards organising birthday celebrations and conjuring up surprises for my friends, just that I got so involved in doing these that I ended up doing for myself too. And so, on that day, I bought the cake with my dad chauffering me, and placed order for PastaMania too. That was my 17th birthday. And it's probably from then on that birthday celebrations = logistics work for me.
Of course there's somemore reasons that makes me irk my own birthday celebration as a whole. I never know how to react/ what to say during birthday songs or when receiving presents. I have a certain list of what I wish to have constantly on my mind, and chances are rare that the presents fall on that list. But I know it's only polite to accept a present gracefully, so I accepted all presents with open arms...just that sometimes I do feel the pain for my friends who go through the pain to get a present which I might not eventually like or use. In the same light, I feel really bad when I know people who went the trouble to get the cake for me, cracked their brains to think of presents to get. (On a side note, I realised that receiving presents is a delicate social skill, but what's also amazing is how you treat the present after that. I don't allow myself to be two-faced about the present - receiving graciously but not actually appreciating their uses after the celebration. So I made sure I creatively utilised all presents in every single occasions regardless i liked it or not on first impression:
- i might not like a t-shirt on first impression but i wore it anyway and tried to define a new fashion style
- i loved the ipod nano my family got for me and brought it everywhere I go, and used it to double up as additional flash disk
- i never liked metal brace watch but my sec sch friends got it for me in my first year in university and since then i've always worn it when I go to school - it seems to easily suit whatever I wear to school, be it tshirt, jeans, formal or smart casual.
Part of the receiving and appreciating presents process made me realise that even if I don' t a liking to the things I come across, I'll put in effort to like and learn how to appreciate them better; sooner or later, I'll have a better impression of them, and these presents will gradually grow to be an important part of my life. This realisation is analagous to the quote which I used to motivate my training in OCS (I never wanted to be an Officer) - Life might not be the party we ask for, but while we are here, we should dance.
So yea, in the same light, you might not like the presents you receive, but since it's now yours, you should love or at least learn to love it. Because if you do, you'll eventually find them indispensable =] (I do hope something similar will happen to my future girlfriend and me =P)
And of course - i dont like to be the focal point/ centre of attention, being in the limelight during my birthday celebration just made me feel like burying a hole and hiding myself from the crowd.
记忆是痛苦的。我之所以想记述这几段经历是希望写下记忆后能够好好地把过去放下，不一定要埋起来，毕竟记忆是自己的一部分。我宁愿乐观的面对不快乐的记忆从中学习点道理，也不要不甘愿地埋葬回忆结果只记得不快乐不记得事情的究竟。乐观的面对过去，也算是给自己一个完整的交待。人事物以不同于往事，拿过去的记忆来看待现在，其实是对周围的家人朋友不公平的。
feels nice to get them off my chest! and my 24th Birthday celebration was such a blast thanks to all my bros for putting everything for me.
i feel really loved =']
