Feeling less driven

i feel much less motivated nowadays. to do CE Club work. last time i used to have s0 much drive and energy. to close deals, meet deadlines, set deadlines and make sure they all followed. right now when i'm the Chairperson, things are so different.

i know i have to set deadlines and craft timeline but sometimes it's just so difficult to start, it's difficult to start from scratch, to start from nought. i just know i have to start, but how?

i actually thought that by giving ownership to my EXCO members, things would go faster because i left  a lot of deciding power to them. but sometimes i feel that they are not using enough of their power to make decisions, or putting in enough thoughts to plan the macro picture with me. what's wrong with delegating ownership?

maybe i gave the ownership too early. all of them are new to the job. they know not what to expect of themselves, much less to set expectations for their subcomm members

maybe more should come from me, because they might be feeling just as lost as me. but no, i cannot be feeling lost, the direction of the Club MC must be very defined for my members to feel and follow it.

i should step in more and deliver more tangible goals and empower the Vice-Chairs to be more result-driven.

"So..which girl do you like?"

"So..which girl do you like?"

男人谈心之夜，不外讨论某个所谓另类男人，感情，女人，还有女人。

就那一晚在印度酒店房里，队友叫我一同进房，一开始是讨论某个队友向女生示爱(暗示的示，抑或表态)的方式是多么出众，然后论他的性格(high achiever,基本上是晚睡早起，起身就check and clear emails，已有两门生意，以事业为重的男生)。

然后问有没有女朋友。然后问是不是团队中的其中之一。这两个男人可见对我的感情观很感兴趣。大概是他俩彼此间已经聊完了个天南地北，所以找来了我增添点新意。

不过说实在，男人间论女人，论爱情，还真迅速的培养感情。我想这是建立在彼此信任的基础上 - 你叙述你的感情经历，我说我心路历程，再彼此分享心得，提出善意提议。虽然都属男人，但在面对感情困惑也会有千百种不同的反应和考量。二十来岁的我们尤其好奇看看别人，想想自己。

这两个男人还蛮大方的分享各自的爱情史，为了鼓励我分享我的，他们还追朔到自己的初恋。因为"我说了我的，你就要说你的"。好像小朋友们交换秘密似的。

所以他们再问，是不是队中女生之一。

我说我很害羞。他们就各自说起害羞如何让他们错过缘分。看他们那么坚持，我就说了。

所以听着，只有惋惜，没有感同深受

说道Y虽是家中最小但仍对自己独立要求相当严格;J就很哥儿们派，一有事相求肯定拔刀相助;O 的个性很刚强，有着俏丽的脸蛋，形成迷人的对比。显然这很不符合他们的问题，因为连我自己都自觉我只是很单调地列出我欣赏各自女生的条件。而当我在形容这几位女生时，我没有恋爱或单恋男生的雀跃。

也许我看待女生看得太理性？或许我真的还没有非常喜欢的女生？但这段对话，多少也让我进一步了解我喜欢的女生。