Acknowledging differences of your friends is the first step to building a
friendship; acceptance of differences is the key to sustaining it in
the long run.
I'm past the stage whereby I tolerate my friends differences. Tolerance
is too passive. Acceptance is more proactive approach to sustaining a
relationship, I feel. I guess I'm more aware of myself now, so I've
learnt to accept, rather than condemn differences.
This acceptance has to be mutual though. Through sharing of each others' life, we discover each others' differences.
I accepted that TM has got a few well-defined traits:
That he commands high pocket money n looks down on people who needs to think twice before buying supper;
That he loves girls, their looks, their boobs, scorn Singaporean girls
and use a photo to show his stranger friend and laugh at how ugly some
of his friends are;
That he loves clubbing, and travels to other countries just to enjoy nightlife n clubs;
That his ideal wife is someone who can take care of herself independently and hot enough for him to fuck;
That he's an urban dweller who stays only hotel n won't settle for hostel nor motel:
That he breaks promises and thereafter think frantically of ways to
amend them, without realising that what's said and done cannot be undone.
He shares with me about his experiences v enthusiastically. Guess its
due to his American culture upbringing. Gets a bit uncomfortable hearing
him blabber some mean stuff.
After some time, I started to accept these behaviors which I advocate
strongly against, as part of the differences. These differences define
his character. They made him, him.
I reached a stage where I can predict his behaviour, he's not difficult to predict in the first place.
I placed my attention on the traits that impresses me: that he can be
very decisive n resolute cause he cares less - a trait that gives birth
to innovative ideas sometime.
Too bad his egoistic nature impedes him from accepting my differences.
That I spend time and efforts on community work, he thinks its a waste of time n that time should only be spent on making money;
That when I travel for sceneries, one-of-a-kind experiences, cultural
exchange, to him time could be better spent on parties, clubs and alcohols.
Sometimes he would rather treat than share food, he doesn't like
sharing, very protective of himself. Somehow it reeks of arrogance from
the rich.
I think I sacrificed a lot of principles this travel -
I think when a pair travels, both should appreciate the route of both
parties n learn to enjoy, not to be picky n avoid each others travels.
Time alone might b good sometimes, but when we split so distinctly,
there's no fulfilment in travelling together.
But pls, don't promise to go on the same route as me just to oblige n
show your appreciation in me being a travel guarantor. I'm uncomfortable
with people doing what they don't just to please people.
I think TM has got a lot to learn to build long-time friendships with
people. Friendships purely built on giving-and-taking and mutual
benefits are not relationships, they are transactions.
